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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Maggie's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 28th, 2014
10:09 am
Haven't been here in a while
   I think a may be losing a friend, However I think I may be becoming better friends with another friend of mine. Sometimes I just want to smack the friend I may be losing silly and tell her to wake up and stop fucking up her life. Other times I cant be bothered to care and feel that she deserves what she gets. That may be harsh but it may be the only way to get through to her.  Another person i want to smack is the creator of Glee Ryan Murphy. Especially for the whole Finchel debacle. No disrespect meant to the tragic loss of Cory Monteith but I really hated the character of Finn. He was getting better though but it seems like Ryan may have meant to have Finn and Rachel end up together int the end which makes no sense to me. She wants a career on the stage and he was studying to be a teacher. Their lives were headed in two different directions. Also snubbing Dianna Agron. I know a lot of fans who want to see more of her despite his and Lea's personal opinions. Most recently putting her and Santana at odds kinda pissed me off. I was so happy to see them getting along and it was nice seeing the softer side of Santana.
Monday, November 14th, 2011
1:47 pm
Monday, February 28th, 2011
10:37 pm
Arizona Renn Faire Trip
     We left the Bay Area around 4 on Friday.  Don't remember much about the trip there.  Read a magazine until it got too dark and then due to lack of sleep in previous nights I crashed out in the back seat of the car. I do remember that it rained a lot until we left Calif.  We reached our destination about 5:30 am.  We disentangled ourselves from the car and grabbed only the gear we would immediately need. Our hosts led us to the spare room and we crashed out  I opted to use the sleeping bag sans air mattress.  I like sleeping on firm surfaces but I think  there was concrete beneath that carpet.  Luckily I was too sleepy to care.  We woke the next morning about 11ish I think.  Not sure. After everyone was finally ready we made our way tho Fry's.  The supermarket, not the electronics store.  Got our morning pickup from the instore Starbucks and then over to customer service for Faire tickets.  We could have pre odered them or got them at the gate but this way was cheaper and we avoided lines at the ticket booth.  We got to the Faire about one and spent a lot of time saying hi to people I don't know.  I got a cup of hard cider and unfortunately a little bit got spilled on me when the head of our host's daughter collided with my elbow.  Can't really blame her since she was trying to avoid being tormented by her brother and she did apologize.  Eventually and one of my traveling companions and I ventured off to explore since it was my first Faire. We perused a lot of shops and I brought a couple of cinnamon spice scented candles.  At one booth I brought a pin for my friend as an early birthday gift cause she really wanted it and I knew her wife would had a fit if she spent their money on it, The pin is meant to be worn on the shirt in the vicinity of the breast area and says Weapons of Mass Distraction.  We then took in a few shows.  One was a whip demonstration, the next was the Ded Bob show.  Think Jeff Dunham and Achmed the Dead terrorist but with a Renaissance theme.  Then we were of to the jousting show.  I had high hopes for that after seeing the show  at Medieval Times a couple of years ago and expected this to be even better. However we had lousy seats, our view was highly obstructed, I could barely hear the announcer and it seemed as if it was over before it began.  It was getting close to closing time so we wandered back to the exit.  Pausing at shops that caught our interest.  we both brought some herbal tea. One that is supposed to ease the symptoms of colds and allergies. Another that is supposed to relieve PMS symptoms like cramps which believe is something I seriously need.  I also purchased and infuser ball since these are loose teas.  The peppermint in the cold reliever makes my tongue tingle in a delightful way.  After leaving we were supposed to join a friend for dinner and were attempting to pick her up but the GPS lead us wildly astray.  So after discussion we called the friend and met her at Appelbee's.  Food was good but we weren't that hungry so we took home half.  Then we stopped at a place called Castle.  If you want to know what they sell comment here and I will reveal it later.  I will tell you this.  The name and exterior of the place are highly misleading.  Then back to our host's place for sleep.  This time I slept on the very comfortable couch.  We were up around eightish and after puttering around a bit, packing up the car, and saying goodbye to our host we were off. We made it to Sedona around two to meet up with another friend.  The friend showed us around points of interest, got us involved in a small snowball fight, and introduced us to a well kept town secret.  A very good pizza place secreted away behind a liquor store.  It's appropriately called The Hideaway.  We then decided we couldn't leave without perusing the UFO shop next door.  The opportunity was too good to miss.  The did have a bunch of amusing things.  We got into a conversation with the owner who apparently is a true believer.  While I think it arrogant for us to think we are the only beings in this vast and mostly unexplored universe I can't fathom why any beings capable of interstellar travel would bother with earth.  It's not like this planet is a very attractive possible for colonization with the environmental problems we face which are only going to get worse as time moves on. We had our pictures take out front in front of an alien statue and a spaceship which is actually an ATV with the shell of a spaceship over it that the owner rides in parades.  On the way back to the car we decided to stop off at the liquor store due top the many interesting bottles they had in their window. One was shaped like a Tommy Gun, a rifle, one in the shape of horse,  the most interesting was a three tiered bottle designed to hold three different types of liquor and had spigots on each side on each level.  Hell , if I had the money I'd buy that just for the bottle to show off to friends!  We went inside to see if there were any more interesting bottles inside but it was a standard liquor store so we left empty handed. It was a long ride that followed and except for the small moment of doubt where were not sure if we'd be able to take 17 and a wildly speculative conversation as we drove past Edwards AFB it was uninteresting.  Luckily 17 was reopening just as we got there.  We got home about 3:30 am and while I had fun I'm happy to be home.

Current Mood: content
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011
1:21 pm
Update
Have been meaning to update for a while but just haven't gotten around to it.  Well let's see, where do I start?  Xmas was ok.  My Uncle's death kinda dampened the usual excitement the holiday brings.  I only really had one gift to open from my parents but that's mainly cause my new laptop was my main gift I got that before Xmas.  Elly got some cool Tinkerbell stuff from my Dad.  Believe me it was not easy to find Tinkerbell stuff for an adult without going to the Disney store. 
I wish I could say my Mom is doing well.  She's started wetting the bed if she sleeps for too long a stretch at one time.  Both my Dad and I know that we are going to have to bring up the subject of adult diapers eventually but neither of us are looking forward to that battle.  She also has a tendency to fall at night when she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom at night.  I'm just thankful she hasn't cracked her head open on the corner of her beside table.  Also sometimes she needs assistance getting to the bathroom and rising from the toilet. She too stubborn to use the walker we got her. She says it's too heavy to lift (I can lift it with my pinkie)and doesn't understand that you're mean to scoot it not lift.  For some reason she won;t allow us to get rid of it though.  We did have a scare early in the year when she fell backwards in the bathroom and hit her head on a hinge.  My Dad had to force the door in the bathroom door open. cause she was lying against it and he got her cleaned up and with a towel pressed against her head we spirited her off to the ER. That was fun and way too long due to blood tests and CT scans.  Basically she got few stitches and that was pretty much it. My Dad was supposed to talk to her doctor about getting a care aide in once a week to help get her up. showered and out of her room once a week cause she won't do it for us. He also was supposed to talk to the doctor about dementia but he chickened out on both things.  His words, not mine.
The room mate moved out.  I do miss her a bit but I'm glad to have my room back.  Spent much of the last few months she was here in the living room.  Nights included cause our sleep schedules were way different.  It's also a lot quieter here.
Finally got to hang out with Cara and a lot of trys and over a year of not being able to. Had dinner with her and her girlfriend.  They are so disgustingly cute together.  However it warms my heart to see her so happy with someone cause she deserves it. 
Haven't been going to the bar much.  I've cut way back on alcohol and don't miss it at all.  Have weekly Wednesday night tea and have gone to a few parties.  Going to Arizona Renn Faire this weekend. My first Faire.  Well that my update.  Will try to update more in the future.

Current Mood: awake
Tuesday, February 15th, 2011
1:56 am
It's Valentine's Day. I'll hit the bar.
Ok so I made a deal with myself a few years ago.  When Valentine's day rolls around and if I'm single I'm gonna go out and have fun with friends rather than stay home feeling sorry myself.  However here's a few words of advice for people who do the same.  If you're depressed, it's probably not a good idea to drink a lot.  Alcohol is a depressant and in the long run is just gonna make you feel worse.  Trust me cause I've been there done that and found myself kicking myself later. If you feel like you're gonna kill yourself you should be at the ER not sitting in a bar.  If you are gonna to complain about every little thing about the bar that bugs then feel free to leave and go elsewhere.  Sure we may the closest bar near your house but isn't it worth it to drive a few extra miles to go someplace you like better?  Also don't bitch about the bartender.  You got your beer so what if the bartender want's to go out for a smoke? Also if the bartender wants to participate in kareoke that's his privilege.  It won't hurt you to wait a few extra minutes for a drink.  If a few extra minutes makes you walk out and we lose your business well you obviously didn't need that drink as much as you thought in the first place.  You are entitled to your opinion but if people obviously don't agree with you and try to end the conversation by agreeing to disagree stop trying to change their minds or you'll find yourself sitting alone again. 

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, February 11th, 2011
7:18 pm
Clash Of The Titans (the remake)
   Only about halfway through but It is already apparent that I can't judge this based on the original film as it bears little resemblance.  I will say I am enjoying  performances by actors such a Sam Worthington as Perseus and Liam Neeson as Zeus.  I think the main problem is the script.  Now I loved the Greek Myths as a child.  I read them repeatedly and even directed a one act based on the Medusa myth my senior year of high school.  Now the most famous action of Perseus is supposed to be the slaying of Medusa.  However roughly halfway into this film there is no mention of Medusa.  So far the main focus is the journey to kill the Krakken.  Now I remember Perseus defeating a sea monster and saving a princess but if I remember correctly he did by turning the sea monster to stone with the head of Medusa.  There have been a few familiar bits tossed in here and there and a bunch of things I don't remember at all.  Athena's mechanical owl showed up briefly. It's almost like the script writer took the Perseus myths tossed them in a blender, tossed a bunch of random idea that they felt fit the genre and hit the power button and went from there.  How does one tame a giant scorpion into being a beast of burden anyways?  I guess the black magic helps.  Gonna try to suffer through the rest and finish this post.  I don't remember o being a beautiful immortal woman who was cursed with immortality by the gods for rebuffing their advances.  I do remember the Io Zeus transformed in to a white calf to save her from Hera's wrath over his infidelity.  Hera then demanded that calf as a gift but that's a whole other myth in itself. Ah now it;s shaping up to be the myth I know.  While Perseus's primary goal in the myth is to slay Medusa.  A quest given to him by a king who wishes to marry Perseus's widowed Mother and gives Perseus a quest to get him out of the way.  In the myth the slaying of the sea monster seems to just be a bonus.  In the movie it seems that the two have been reversed.  The primary goal to slay the sea monster and slaying Medusa is just so they can use her head as a weapon.  Although since when does Medusa reside in the underworld?  The Krakken in this film looks kinda of what would happen if Cuthulu and Rancor had a baby. 
Ok my final thought is that this would have been a halfway decent film if they hadn't  tried to bill it as a remake of Clash of the Titans.  If they hadn't made the gods the Greek Gods and rewritten and omitted many of the references to similarities to the myths it might have been a somewhat decent fantasy film.  There would still be a few kinks to work out and some rewrites but it would have been doable.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
4:22 pm
Writer's Block: Biggest Lie
What's the biggest lie you've ever told to win over the guy or girl of your dreams?

It wasn't really a lie but more of an omission. I met a guy while out clubbing with my friends.   I wore glasses pretty regularly back then but not that night.  While chatting with him he let slip that he didn't like glasses on a woman.  We dated for a few months and I never wore my glasses with him cause I didn't have a very strong prescription.  He only saw me in them once when he came to pick me up and I was working on the computer.  He didn't say anything about it so I let him think I just used them for studying.  These days I think that anyone who would refuse to date someone with glasses is amazingly shallow.  Actually I find glasses kinda sexy.

Current Mood: bored
Thursday, August 19th, 2010
11:18 pm
Randomn thoughts
Was watching Rachel Maddow this evening.  She's in Iraq right now reporting on the withdrawing of the last of our combat troops last night.  Today she was talking to and taking a sort of tour with one of the NBC correspondents who's name escapes me right now.  They put straight a few myths but what struck me most was when Rachel mentioned the number of American lives that were lost in this war.  It's sometimes easy to forget this war has been going on for seven years cause it's not front page news anymore.  She said it was in the 1000's.  I remember driving hime from work not long after the war had started.  on Friday evenings there were always protesters at the corner of El Camino Real and Castro. Someone had hung a sign that was keeping track of the number of deaths I remember when that number passed 100.  After that I stopped counting.  I think of people I knew or siblings of people I knew who joined the military before the war.  Some of them finished thier service and got out and went on with their lives.  Other may have decided to go career. I've lost contact with most of these people over the years but I think of them often and although I'm not very religious I say a little prayer for them and their families hoping that they are safe and sound.
Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
9:16 am
Why is it always me?
Been a few crazy weeks.  I guess it started about a month ago.  As many of you know I had been spending time lately with a woman I'm very attracted to. Well I finally got the chance to spend the night.  Nothing happened of course.  I spent the night cause I had agreed to take her son to the train station early the next morning and crashing over saved me the trouble of having to get up early and drive all the way over there the next day.  The next evening after he was gone she got very flirty and after a trip to TD's for drinks and a few other stops we ended back at her place and well I'll let your imagination take it from there.  Read more...Collapse )

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, July 18th, 2010
2:40 am
I can't go through that again.
Had a mini meltdown and psychological breakdown. Too me a little while to figure what it was but I think I have it pinned down. Elly revealed to me that she had been having tooth pain for about a week and she was afraid that it was an infection that may have traveled to her nasal passages cause her sinuses were bothering her too. The first emotion I felt was anger because I had recently had read an article about woman who had similar tooth pain and died because the infection traveled her brain causing lesions. Plus I went through a very rough period back in 2008-2009 when my Dad developed lesions after and infection in his lungs traveled to his heart and then to the brain. The thought of that happening again to someone I care about absolutely terrifies me. Words can't express how frightening the thought of that is. I'm really not sure I could go through that again without losing my mind. Read more...Collapse )

Current Mood: sleepy
Monday, July 12th, 2010
11:13 am
She did it again!
I love my Mother. I really do. I mean she gave birth to me and I've been lucky to have to parents who never got drunk and never abused me in anyway. It's just that she always seems to do or say something inappropriate. This morning my Dad called me in to get my birthday gift. I mean it's my birthday and it should be about me right? I walked in to find her opening my gift! Granted it was a gift card but the folder it came in was sealed! It's not like she didn't know what it was or the amount it was for. Even if she hadn't she could have easily asked my Dad. It's little things, and occasionally bigger things like that that piss me off.

Current Mood: aggravated
7:59 am
Birthday Madness
Ok so yesterday I attempted to make my own birthday cake. Baking the cake was a no brainer even if I did have to substitute butter for vegetable oil. Getting the cakes out of the pans and onto the wire racks was mildly successful so I put the crumbly one on the bottom. When they cooled and I proceeded to frost them I discovered that I'd grabbed the wrong packet of food dye for the frosting. So instead of blue and yellow I ended up with purple and pink decorated with blue and yellow icing. Had a little trouble with writing. The color went on easy but you're supposed to use the pen like a paint brush. I have trouble holding a paint brush like a paint brush. Also the proportion of the letters is sorta off but I guess for my first attempt it wasn't too bad.
Also I happened to pass by my Mother's room just as she was waking up and she beckoned me in and had me closed the door and starting muttering something about needing to get some wine. I told her that she should have told Dad that yesterday cause that's his shopping day. Still she insisted me needed to get wine for Dad's birthday. I then had to remind her that Dad's birthday isn't until September when it is in fact July and it's my birthday that is today not his. Why she wanted wine I'm still puzzled. I don't really like wine. I don't even like champagne that much unless it's mixed with orange juice. In fact for celebrations at home I'm really more likely to use sparkling cider. I guess I should just chalk it up to her just waking up but it's still discouraging when the woman who gave birth to you can't remember who's birthday it is.

Current Mood: annoyed
Sunday, June 6th, 2010
10:39 pm
Cell Phone
Well I lost my cell phone Friday night. I pinpointed the event when I lost it. We decided to duck under a chain barrier but due to it being kinda low and my crappy equilibrium I fell. However I quickly recovered but didn't notice my phone falling out of my shirt pocket. A while later Elly gets a call on her phone from guy saying he found my phone. Apparently he was calling and texting people in my phone book so sorry to anyone who received a weird call late Friday night. Well she passed her phone over to me and I talked to the guy and he said he was at 2nd and San Fernando near P.F. Chang's and would be there for a while so I hopped in the car taking Elly's phone with me. When I got there I called and texted the guy repeatedly for 15-20 minutes but he never picked up so Elly canceled the phone online and we got a new phone. This one is a newer 3G so it's got a few extra bells and whistles the other one didn't. Plus the beauty of the iPhone is that all your info is stored when you sync it on your computer so when I synced my new phone today I got all my phone numbers back. Sweeeeet! Sadly I lost all my BayCon and Kittie photos. Well at least the Kitten photos have been downloaded to the computer. And I can always take new ones to show off to my friends and use as Wallpaper.

Current Mood: hot
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
10:57 pm
Writer's Block: High school musical
If you had to choose a theme song for your middle or high school years, what would it be, and why?

We Will Rock You by Queen for high school because I was very involved in theater and that was our theme song!
Saturday, May 29th, 2010
9:26 pm
I've been deflowered!
Ok now that I've got your attention get your mind out of the gutter. I've had my BayCon cherry popped. Thanks to a generous loan from my Dad I was able to attend this year as my therapist suggested. Elly and I headed out Friday morning since she is working it again this year. She's grumpy cause instead of working hotel as she was supposed to she wound up do registration. We had a rather unpleasant fight on way there that continued into the parking garage and she shut me out completely. Registration took longer than usual because the computers were refusing to talk to each other but eventually I got my badge. Ran into Steven, Chaos, and Tobi while waiting in line. Steven gave me my first two ribbons(not including the one that came with the badge) and we wandered around a bit until I went off to the opening ceremonies. From there I went to BayCon 101 where I got my third badge. After that I wandered around. Talked to friends and sat with them until about four and headed home briefly so my Dad could use the car to go get dinner. Had another confrontation on the phone with Elly. Couldn't get half of what she said due to the background noise on her end. My Dad came home, I wolfed down my food and drove back to con. Left Elly's food, the car key's in reg and texted her the location of the car while I went in search of the restroom. Then it was off to the movie making seminar. After that was over I ran into Chaos again and I joined her for MINGling with the Guests of Honor. Her parents are the fan GoH's this year. Then I kinda wandered around until kareoke. Didn't sing this year since my voice is still recovering from my recent cold and I'm a little shy about singing in a non KOC venue. I also participated a little bit in the casino. I played Blackjack. Did OK. Broke about even. Elly got back from LARP around 2 AM and I was ready to go but she wanted to stay. She gave the room key of the room she had but was allowing other people to stay in. The idea was for me to crash out on the unoccupied bed since two of the three occupants were still at kareoke. Unfortunately when I got to the room I found both beds occupied. When I got back downstairs Elly had disappeared. When she finally reappeared I asked her for the car keys figuring I could rest there until she was ready to leave. That's when she decided we could leave but not without a lot of false starts and stops. I was irritable, grumpy and anxious cause I was so tired and felt a little like she was pissed and making me feel like the bad guy. (Mind you this is how I felt and not in fact what was actually happening.) I tried to express my feelings to her cause communication is important to me but I don't know if I succeeded. We got home and got ready for bed while talking a little about con and fell asleep rather quickly. The next morning Elly's alarm jarred me awake at 10. I jumped up. turned it off and then reset it for 10:15 at her request. Apparently accidentally changing it from AM to PM in the process. I then hurriedly got dressed and had my Dad drive me to con so he could get the shopping done and get the car back home in time for Elly to get to con when she needed to. I was late to the second movie making seminar but didn't miss a lot. I then met up with Chaos on my way to the chain mail workshop and was disappointed to find that she was already out of supplies when I got there. Will try again tomorrow. Ended up in Renaissance sword fighting instead. Was pretty cool and got some good pics with my phone camera. I even got to take part in a lesson with a rapier but had to cut out early when my hip started to ache. I went to one seminar about cooking in zero g but got bored quickly and cut out early. I wandered around talking to a few friends, wandered through the game room, trying to kill time until 4. I wound up in the art gallery and I vow to start saving up for next year immediately. I saw one print that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want! It call something like Tiger Yin Yang. It's a white tiger and a regular one positioned in a way that they form a yin Yang. There were some other cool items that interested me as well but not as much as the tiger. If I had the money I would have gladly paid full price. As is I don't even have enough cash for the minimum bid. At four I went to seminar about whether or not classrooms are becoming obsolete due to the online technology available today. Having been a teacher and having taken classes online I oppose it. I think it would be ok if we implemented a "hybrid" as some people called it but I believe students and teachers need some face to face time. It made me think of one of my students at Challenger, Tiffany was an ESL student and came from a family where female children are basically taught to be invisible. She refused to speak to me or even participate in assessments but I could tell from the way she paid attention in class and the look of comprehension on her face that she understood everything and was probably one of the smartest kids in the class. This was confirmed the the following year when after talking to her parents and explaining the issue I was able to get her to speak to me give her an assessment. She answered every single question correctly. Something most of the students aren't expected to be able to do until the end of the year. I know online classes will never replace preschool but imagine a similar situation with an child in an elementary online class. Without face to face time the teacher would be unable to tell if his/her students were comprehending the material until she/he got the tests back and by then it would be too late. I left there about five an went to get Elly dinner. Dropped it off in reg. informed her I was leaving for the day and to call me when she was ready to leave. She asked me "What if it's like 3 or something?" I answered truthfully that I'd probably be asleep but have my phone fully charged, with the ringer volume at max, and the most obnoxious ring tone imaginable right next to me so it would be sure to wake me. She said something snarky about good thing she had a room. So we'll see whether she comes home tonight or not. We seem to be having a lot more conflict since we officially ended it. I still care about her and want to remain friends but I'm running out of rope. Well there's two more days of con to come and will update you on it later.

Current Mood: tired
Monday, March 29th, 2010
12:14 am
Writing
After my last post I realized I'd for gotten just how cathartic writing is and how sometimes it de stresses me and helps me think more clearly which I honestly need to do. So I thought I'd tell you a little bit about what's been going on. I recently had two dates with this very nice girl Helen. We met online and got along together like a house on fire. So eventually we met in person. On our first date we had coffee and chatted and laughed and eventually decided to walk over to the theater and see a movie. Then I drove her home. Unfortunately sparks just weren't flying for me. I mulled it over and decided to give it another shot. Went over to her place, met her Mom, was practically molested by her dog and ignored by her cats. We watched movies and went to karaoke at KOC. Sadly sparks were still not flying. So on Monday I wrestled with how to tell her and on Wednesday we talked. She took it better than I feared she would. She stills wants to be friends after she has a little time to he which I'm totally open to. On the bright side yet another girl has praised my kissing ability.
I have a friend that Ellie can't stand. Someone I used to have a crush on but now I just her as a friend. Sadly it seems that now she is single once again she was hoping for more. Last night she wanted me to go out with her for a couple of beers and maybe to make out. I politely declined for several reasons. I wasn't able to cause I had to pick Ellie up from a party. Even if I hadn't had to do that I would have said no cause while my headache is better and I'm no longer photosensitive I don't think hanging out in a noisy crowded bar on a Saturday night would have helped me any. Also I just see her as a friend and even though Ellie and I are no longer in sexual relationship we still have veto power and she has vetoed me from having any contact more than friendship with this girl. I respect this veto and I kinda told the girl that Elly vetoed her and think I pissed her off. Don't know if I'll hear from her again but if I don't. Well she wasn't that great of a friend anyways.
Fingers still hurt but they are getting a bit better every week so I'm hopeful that I will have full use of them soon. Never realized how much we depend a full use of all ten of our fingers. I still need help sometimes with a belt and one of my shirts where the cuffs are hard to button but for the most part I'm getting by.
Go see the doctor tomorrow to follow up on my hip x-ray and lab tests. Then I go see the cardiologist on the 2nd. Hmmm not much else to tell.

Current Mood: anxious
Sunday, March 28th, 2010
11:35 pm
Stupid girl!
I did a stupid thing. I should of realized it was stupid and stopped myself from doing it in the first place. I'm not sure why I didn't. Maybe it was a mix of anger and pain from the tension in my neck and not feeling cared about. Not that that excuses my actions cause it doesn't. Words can't express how sorry I am and how much regret I feel. I'm also feeling a mixture of pain, fear, and anguish over what the consequences of my actions may be. This is one of those times that I wish I could turn back the clock replay these moments. I just want to curl into a ball and cry. Not just for me but for all of us who do something stupid and thoughtless without thinking in the first place. I also can't help but think of the stupid and thoughtless things that have been done to me. They may seem minor to others but they are major to me so I guess can understand why what I did caused such a negative reaction. I know this is kind of a cryptic post but I don't feel as if I'm at liberty to go into specific details right now.

Current Mood: crappy
Monday, March 8th, 2010
3:16 pm
For Brucie
Found a video you may like, I laughed pretty hard when I and Ellie watched it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJsQcnB6GC0&feature=related


Current Mood: giggly
Saturday, March 6th, 2010
5:09 pm
A few changes!
Well let's see. Elly got her roller blades. They gave us a decent discount since they couldn't special order the color she wanted. That was her major birthday gift from me. We also stopped by bed bath and beyond and got a wardrobe, two bins for our underwear, and 50 extra hangers. Believe me even after thinning out my closet we need the extra space and hangers. Still haven't gotten rid of the desk yet. We want to but the major challenge is maneuvering it out of the room and after that paying someone to pick it up and dispose of it. Elly wants to get rid of my old bed too. A goal of her which I'm somewhat resistant to. I mean if we move sometime in the next year like we hope to we'll need another bed. We want to get a three bedroom with a roommate because honestly the close quarters here are starting to seriously chafe. Over the past few days we've had quite a few blowups and emotional moments. Of course part of that may be PMS. As for the wardrobe while it solves the huge problem of closet space I'm not particularly fond of it. For one thing it's this hideous brown color. Plus my height makes it hard for me to reach my underwear bin on top. Also it just another thing for the cat's to obsess about getting on top of and from there it's just a short jump to surfaces I really don't want them on due to their tendency to knock stuff off. As a matter of fact one of them attempted to climb the wardrobe early this morning but realized the soft sides weren't going to hold his weight before he got very far and gave up. I have caught them trying to gauge the distance of the jump from the bed and have quickly discouraged them. I've decided I need to get my hands on a couple of child safety locks to keep the cats out of the bathroom cabinets. They like to steal entire rolls of toilet paper and shred them all over the living room carpet. The other night I heard a rattling in the bathroom and got up and went to catch them in the act. I was thoroughly puzzled when I got there and there wasn't a cat in sight. I noticed the cupboard was still rattling. Apparently Nicky had gotten the cabinet open but somehow had managed to get the door closed behind him once he got in and was having trouble getting out. Of course the simple act of pushing it open seemed too easy to his sophisticated cat brain. Oh yeah and Elly hooked up the Wii to the living room TV so we have Wii capability again. Wii anyone? Well that's all for now. My wrist is hurting too much to write more.

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, February 27th, 2010
4:14 am
It's off!
Well Elly and I discussed it and decided to call off the engagement. I asked her why she said yes and while I won't go in to details I will say it was for the wrong reasons. I don't want anyone marrying me for the wrong reasons. Actually Elly says she doesn't want to get married to anyone. Her first and last marriage was such a disaster. However this does not mean we are broken up. We have been talking about and attempting to define our relationship. Neither one of us wants to break up but the sexual aspect of our relationship is kinda non existent. I honestly can live with that. My feelings for her go so much deeper than lust and desire. They are also more than feelings of friendship. We both still love each other very much and and cuddle and show affection.
Today we went shopping for roller blades for Elly. The pair she wants are on order. We were able to get her knee pads, elbow pads, and wrist guards. We also got her a helmet but the straps are too short so it has to go back. It was pink with bunnies and very cute. I kinda want to get myself a pair but I need to get my hip pain issue resolved first. I had x rays done last weeks and go back later next month to deal with it. I'm also currently playing phone tag with the cardiology department at Stanford. No word yet from Psychology or Optometry. On a bright final not we had a yummy lunch/dinner at Outback with Bruce today.

Current Mood: calm
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